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Passing judgment : praise and blame in everyday life
2018
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Reveals how the conscious and unconscious judgments people engage in every day impact relationships with others and how praise and blame shape one's sense of self. - (Baker & Taylor)

The author of What Do You Want From Me? reveals how everyday judgments impact our relationships and how praise, blame and shame shape our sense of self. - (Baker & Taylor)

Apter, a writer and psychologist, examines the role of praise and blame in human relationships and how judgments develop within and impact all types of relationships. She discusses the beginnings of human judgment in infants and children; the brain chemistry, psychological theories, and economics of praise; blame, shame, exclusion, and empathy; family judgments and systems; praise and blame between friends, within couples, and in the workplace; the role of social media in judgment; and judgment throughout the lifespan. Annotation ©2018 Ringgold, Inc., Portland, OR (protoview.com) - (Book News)

Terri Apter reveals how everyday judgmentsimpact our relationships and how praise,blame, and shame shape our sense of self. - (WW Norton)

The AtlanticOur obsession with praise and blame begins soon after birth. Totally dependent on others, rapidly we learn to value praise, and to fear the consequences of blame. Despite outgrowing an infant’s dependence, we continue to monitor others’ judgments of us, and we ourselves develop what relational psychologist Terri Apter calls a “judgment meter,” which constantly scans people and our interactions with them, and registers a positive or negative opinion.Passing Judgment, - (WW Norton)

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Booklist Reviews

Apter (Difficult Mothers, 2012) adds to her canon of nonfiction books about relationships, identity, and family dynamics with this survey of the shaping effects of praise and blame in various life stages (infant, teen, adult) and relationships (familial, romantic, professional, and among peers). Drawing on years of work as a psychologist, Apter leans on theory and her own experiments to affirm some standing beliefs related to praise/blame judgments while challenging others. Praise, for example, can disincentivize if it calls attention to intelligence rather than effort. Blame-avoidance designed to protect our egos can also prevent us from absorbing crucial lessons. Apter's goal, illustrated by a series of self-interrogating questions, is to teach readers to use praise and blame as growth mechanisms by developing awareness of how and why judgments are formed. Knowing a family's judgement system allows parents and children to make the most of the praise and blame they give and receive. Readers interested in psychological theory will be compelled by this book, as will all readers who just want to be better versions of themselves. Copyright 2017 Booklist Reviews.

Publishers Weekly Reviews

Praise can be as dangerous as blame in personal relationships, according to this exhaustively documented, uneven study from psychologist Apter (What Do You Want from Me?). Apter spends the book's first half building the case for how blame and praise shape individuals. She walks the reader through child development, in a section that reads like an exhaustive psychology class with excellent explanations but little storytelling. The more reader-friendly second half details how judgments play out in intimate, work, and social-media spheres. For instance, a workplace compliment of a woman's shoes sounds innocent but has demeaning undertones. Even the phrase "you're so thoughtful" isn't always as warm and fuzzy as it sounds. Such observations school the reader in the multilayered world of praise. Apter does the same for blame by detailing two negative performance reviews: one employee learned from criticism and the other wholly rejected it. Her insights into social media are some of the book's most interesting, such as that people constantly checking Facebook aren't feeding a device addiction but looking for "satisfactory feedback." But this isn't a book with answers. Readers who make it through the hard-going first half should profit from Apter's message, which isn't to avoid judgment, but to "understand and reflect" on it. (Jan. 2018)

Copyright 2017 Publishers Weekly.

Table of Contents

Introduction 11(12)
1 The Beginnings of Human Judgment
23(15)
2 The Chemistry, Economics, and Psychology of Praise
38(21)
3 Blame: The Necessity and Devastation of Guilt and Shame
59(27)
4 Family Judgments, Family Systems
86(27)
5 Just Friends: Praise and Blame Between Peers
113(31)
6 Intimate Judgments: Praise and Blame Within Couples
144(30)
7 Professional Dues: Praise and Blame in the Workplace
174(37)
8 Social Media and the New Challenges to Our Judgment Meter
211(25)
9 Lifelong Judgments
236(15)
Acknowledgments 251(2)
Notes 253(52)
Index 305

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